I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
