Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
