I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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