i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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