So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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