Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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