he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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