i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
