another moral hangover. fuck.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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