i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
