I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.