i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.