Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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