just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you would pick up someone in the library
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
