My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
