so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
