I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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