that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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