The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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