Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
