I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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