I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
