Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just had sex on a roof
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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