Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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