her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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