Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Michael Bay diarrhea
high people should be assigned attendants
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
