i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
