I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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