Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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