Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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