I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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