Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
