Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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