tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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