I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
