It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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