Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
