life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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