Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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