I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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