The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
