i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
