He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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