we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
