true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
being pregnant is like rehab
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
