i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
