thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
