Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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