I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
