Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
