Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
