Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
