I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
