She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
