Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
