Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
