I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
