I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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