and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
