My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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