K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
