You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
